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NOW, YOU CAN CONTINUE MASHING THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON AND SHIFT KEYS WITH YOUR LARGE, HAM-LIKE FISTS, WHILE KEEPING IRRITATION AMONG FRIENDS, COWORKERS AND PETS TO A MINIMUM!

THE TEXTSIZER™! PROVEN TO REDUCE ONLINE IMPRESSIONS THAT YOU’RE MENTALLY RETARDED BY AN ASTONISHING 63%! ORDER TODAY!”

—Cagey B, commenting at Fark.